Tales of a Speechless Speech Therapist

Day 5 of laryngitis for this poor speech therapist.

Day 1 was slight hoarseness after lunch. Noticable hoarseness during phone conversations that evening.

Day 2 was marked by phonation breaks but still functional speech throughout all my sessions. Day 2 was also marked, unfortunately, by wine-tasting at a crowded bar where I yelled over noise for 2 hours. Day 2 was not my most intelligent moment and was followed closely by day 3, on which day I was completely aphonic.

Yes, I actually saw 7 patients that day, some of them head injured, and I was unable to voice. I dragged a recreational therapist student with me in the morning and a speech student with me in the afternoon and had them "talk" for me. I whispered sentences and cues to them, and they did the talking. They were not, admittedly, my most productive sessions. It was a great chance to work on communication breakdown with my patients, though! We worked on polite ways to ask for repeated sentences and worked on socially acceptable things to say to your speech therapist who has laryngitis. (i.e., we do NOT say, "what's wrong with you? Your voice is stupid." We DO say, "gee, I'm sorry you aren't feeling well. Hope your voice comes back soon."-- I also had to train several staff members in this as well, sadly enough).

Day 4 was Friday, and by luck I had it off. Vocal rest was the name of the game. I scheduled a massage at 3pm at an aromatherapy shop and inhaled lovely eucalyptus vapors with a warm compress across my neck for 70 minutes. It was the best massage I've ever had. I really couldn't care less if reflexology works, it felt really great for her to poke at my feet for 10 minutes. She hit EVERY trigger point in my body, put tiger balm on my chest to help with the irritated respiratory system, and managed to squeeze every bit of stress out of my body. And I didn't have to say a word until the "thanks" at the end. It was my first massage in Baltimore, and I wonder if I can justify another before I leave! It really is expensive, but when I'm desperate, I'm desperate! I had to say "no" to a night on the town with the girls from work-- I really needed my voice back and that will never happen if you go to a smokey bar and talk over music for several hours (see evening of day 2 and day 3 for proof).

Day 5 is today. I'm at work, currently munching on a granola bar, sun chips and a bottle of water. I did not realize that cafeteria was closed today, and staff for lunch company are sparse. So I'm up typing away while eating junk from the vending machine. I'd go over to the harbor to eat, but I really don't feel like putting on the coat and walking-- plus I'd have to stay past 5pm to compensate for an extended lunch. The voice lasts for 10 minute intervals during sessions. I'm popping non-menthol cough drops in between patients. I'm working on a huge list of new patients to be seen and have not even seen one of my own patients. Vocal rest will have to monopolize tonight and tomorrow as well if I'm going to be an effective speech therapist next week!

So here's to hoping my voice comes back to complete health soon. The irony of the situation can only carry you so far-- a speechless speech therapist is only mildly funny, and only for a very short duration. Then it just smacks of incompetency!